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Louise Taylor has filed her match report from St James’ Park. So that’s my cue to go for a walk and ask myself why, aged seven, I decided to support Manchester United. They fully deserved to lose to Newcastle, who are on a roll at just the right stage of the season. Congratulations to Jason Tindall and all good wishes to Eddie Howe. Thanks for your company, correspondence and considered views on Ruben Amorim, who simply has to win the Europa League now.
Sky have just put up their xG, which says the score should have been 2-1. They gave Newcastle 2.09, Man United 0.61. But one or two of the other stats are more revealing. On touches in the opposition box, it was 37-12 to Newcastle. On possession won in the final third, it was 12-2. They were all over Man Utd like a rash.
And here’s Steve in Washington – DC, not Co. Durham. “As things stand,” he reckons, “Newcastle is one of only 3 teams (Liverpool and Arsenal being the other two) who still have a chance at winning this year’s title. Admittedly, it’s a bit of a long shot.”
“Thank you for making my afternoon,” says Sarah Dobson. “Loving the MBM commentary.” Ah thanks. That’s what we’re here for.
“Football, bloody hell, eh?” says Simon McMahon. “I blame Fergie.”
“Physically, mentally, they’re a weak team,” says Roy Keane of the club he used to captain. “They got what they deserved. This talk that there are signs they’re getting better – well, I can’t see it. I worry for this group of players.”
The upshot is that Newcastle go fourth. They are one point above Man City, and now only one behind Forest. Man United pay the price for this heavy defeat by sliding to 14th on goal difference behind Everton. Spurs, Wolves and West Ham are all within three points of them. Bad to worse.
Newcastle do the league double over the other United for the first time since 1931. Their fans celebrate with a lusty rendition of Rockin’ All Over The World.
A thumping win for Newcastle, a triumph for Jason Tindall, and yet another setback for Ruben Amorim.
Bruno Fernandes and Ruben Amorim have plenty of work to do. Photograph: Robbie Jay Barratt/AMA/Getty Images
90+4 min Alan Smith has named his player of the match: Harvey Barnes.
90+3 min Hojlund gets into the box with some good movement, but then can’t make up his mind whether to pass or shoot. The shot comes too late and is easily blocked.
90+2 min We are having five extra minutes. “Ruben Amorim,” sing the travelling fans, or what’s left of them – there are plenty of gaps.
90 min A glimmer for Man Utd as Mainoo crafts a move down the right with his elegant feet. It ends with Shaw, on the other side, sending in a classy cross, which is headed wide by Hojlund.
89 min Bayindir comes close to emulating Onana with his second howler of the game, but just manages to wiggle the ball away from the man rushing onto him. Man Utd have been unable to cope with the Newcastle press.
86 min Two more subs from Jason Tindall: Longstaff and Miley for Guimaraes and Joelinton. There have now been so many substitutions that the atmosphere has gone from fever pitch to no more than mild gloating.
83 min “My German girlfriend, who admittedly doesn’t know much about football,” says Malcolm Shuttleworth, “is a bit confused because both teams are called United. She says she knows which team are Man Utd, but she’s not sure which team are Newcastle! Regards from Leverkusen.” Ha. Newcastle, under Eddie Howe, know exactly who they are. I’m not sure the other lot do.
82 min Ruben Amorim has sent on a couple more subs too – Luke Shaw, at long last, for Mazraoui, and Kobbie Mainoo for Fernandes.
80 min Subs! Three from Jason Tindall, whose day is now going rather well – Wilson for Isak, Krafth for Trippier, and Gordon for Murphy, with Barnes presumably staying on in the hope that he can collect a hat-trick.
78 min Bayindir, under pressure from Isak, played the ball out – onto the peroxide head of Joelinton. He nodded it down to Buimaraes, who placed a calm low shot in the corner.
A howler from Bayindir, and now it really is a rout.
Who are ya? Bruno Guimaraes points at his name as he celebrates scoring the 4th goal with his adoring Toon Army. Photograph: Adam Vaughan/EPA
Another United keeper howler: Bruno Guimaraes of Newcastle United scores his team’s fourth goal past Altay Bayindir of Manchester United. Photograph: George Wood/Getty Images
73 min Man U have made it into the box! The move ends with Ugarte, who has a shot from distance – on target but not giving Pope much bother.
73 min “I’ve been a Man United fan,” says Phil Morton in Berkeley, California, “since before Munich. But if they get a new stadium subsidized by the city of Manchester I’ll have to walk away. Radcliffe and the Glazers are awash in money and could follow the example of the Golden State Warriors and finance it themselves. Harrumph.”
70 min Barnes again threatens to run away from Mazraoui, who manages a tackle, at the expense of a corner.
“This is so, so bad” says Rob Hisnay, “under this fraud Ruben. Commiserations for having to do MBMs of this.” Thanks, but it’s still a privilege. And I’ve had plenty of practice: I also write about the England cricket team.
69 min Man U were unlucky with Mazraoui’s slip, but in 24 minutes half-time they have had only one touch in the Newcastle box – by Dalot, if I remember right.
66 min Fernandes, who will never say die, sends a chip down the left for Dorgu, but the flag goes up
64 min Harvey Barnes has surely won the match for Newcastle. He pounced as Mazraoui slipped, charged through the middle of the Man U defence, and blasted a shot past poor Bayindir.
He’s done it again!
Harvey Barnes scores their third goal past Manchester United’s Altay Bayindir. Photograph: Scott Heppell/Reuters
62 min As a camera finds Thomas Tuchel, Man U get forward and Mount is in a promising position – which he squanders with a loose attempt to square for Fernandes.
60 min As the hour glass flips over, Newcastle are in the box again. A pech of a cross from Murphy on the right finds the formidable head of Dan Burn, but his header is over the bar.
58 min Dorgu’s next contribution is a better one, a block on a cross from Murphy, which leads to a corner.
57 min Dorgu’s first contribution is to foul Trippier.
55 min Man U subs: Hojluind for Zirkzee, Dorgu for Amass, Mount for Garnacho.
53 min Just when he was looking so much better, Joshua Zirkzee pulls up lame. He went on a mazy run, kept the ball when he should surely have fed Fernandes to his left, and ended up straining a hamstring.
51 min As it stands, Newcastle are up to fourth, one point above Man City and two clear of Chelsea and Villa
50 min Livramento did well, bustling down the left and crossing. The ball made its way across to the other wing, where Murphy whipped in a low cross of his own and Barnes, in the centre-forward slot, helped himself to a tap-in.
Another neat move.
Tap in: Newcastle United’s Harvey Barnes scores their second goal from close range. Photograph: Lee Smith/Action Images/Reuters
48 min United go on the counter, through Dalot as usual. He ends up in the inside-left channel, where he goes flying in the box, but only the travelling fansd show any interest in a penalty.
46 min Isak gets the second half under way. Newcastle are soon in the United box, with Barnes and Livramento combining neatly, but Mazraoui sees off the danger.
In other Man U news, the women’s team have reached the FA Cup final. Here’s Suzy Wrack with a match report.
“Manchester,” says the next subject line. “It’s always good to see the Manchester Guardian living up to its name,” reckons Richard Hirst, “by using Manchester United supporters on the MBM. In the interests of openness and transparency, how many are there on the rosta – 1056?” Ha. What can I say? Man United have a lot of fans. But don’t worry, Richard – Jim Ratcliffe is doing his best to lose them.
“Some fool,” goes the subject line of the next email. Ah yes, him (see 38 min, below). “Did also say,” adds Kevin Simons, “he could see Utd nicking one on the counter, so some other fools shouldn’t be too hard on him.” Thank you!
“Has this been the weirdest Premier League season ever?” asks our man in Scotland, Simon McMahon. “That’s a genuine question, and one which I’m not qualified to answer. It just seems that there are stories everywhere, from Liverpool to Southampton, and pretty much everywhere in between. It really is a funny old game, isn’t it?” It is. And it’s been refreshing to see so many clubs in contention for the Champions League. But the title race has been so dull that it might as well have been Oxford v Cambridge. And relegation hasn’t exactly been a battle.
Newcastle have been much the better team, with Isak looking a cut above everyone else on the pitch and setting up Tonali’s classy opener with a cushioned volley. But Man U have had plenty of practice at going behind and they managed to score a good goal on the counter, poked home by Alejandro Garnacho.
45+1 min There’s one more minute to go. Dalot sends in long throw … straight into the arms of Pope. Before that, Garnacho managed another shot, from the left this time.
45 min Man U bustle up the other end, where Fernandes fails to get a cross in as he’s caught in two minds. Understandable when you play in two positions.
44 min Amass is 18, Yoro 19. Schar is 33 and ought to know better.
41 min As Newcastle have a corner, Schar again tries to bully Amass, and they both end up on the goal line, on the floor. Leny Yoro tries to stick up for his mate and gives Schar a shove, which earns a yellow card.
41 min That was Alejandro Garnacho’s tenth goal of the season, but (I think) only his third under Ruben Amorim.
40 min Trippier and Schar gang up on little Amass, leaving him winded. If they’d done that a month ago, they would have been had up by Safeguarding.
38 min Well, well. Dalot got away again on the break and poked a pass out to Garnacho, who raced in from the right and poked a left-foot shot past a surprised Pope. And some fool was saying it could be a rout.
They’ve nicked one on the counter!
Neat finish: Alejandro Garnacho of Manchester United scores a goal to make it 1-1. Photograph: Robbie Jay Barratt/AMA/Getty Images
34 min Isak has yet another shot, which brings a corner…. and a header from Dan Burn, onto the roof of the net. This has the makings of a rout.
33 min Save! By Bayindir from Isak, whose latest volley had “Goal” written all over it.
31 min United escape through Dalot, who fends off some close attention from Joelinton and feeds Garnacho. His cutback can’t quite find Fernandes, barrelling into the box.
30 min As the half-hour comes round, Newcastle are beginning to dominate.
28 min Newcastle have a corner on the right. The ball goes back to Tonali, 40 yards out. He feels like having another shot and it’s not a bad one, though it goes just wide.
27 min On their last two trips to St James’ Park, Man United failed to score. And they had a forward line then.
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